Ask An Expert: My Co-Worker Annoys Me

Q: My Co-Worker Is Annoying - What Can I Do?

I don't have anyone at the moment that's in a position to listen! I’m on a pretty small team with a colleague, call him Gary, at the same pay grade. I sometimes have to check his reports and his mistakes repeatedly include grammar, general report structure, and at times, he is simply wrong. The annoying thing about this is not necessarily the mistakes, but that our manager does not seem to check his reports, or if he does, these mistakes appear to be getting overlooked. If I was one of our clients receiving his reports I would not be happy. When my reports are reviewed though my manager picks up even the smallest mistake - which is fine but wish my colleague would be judged by the same criteria. Gary is also constantly checking on what I'm working on or asking me pointless questions. He speaks to me as if we're close friends when we are not. I treat him like any other colleague and I have recently made an effort to distance myself and ignore non-work related messages. He does not get the hint. I have more work experience than him but he sometimes acts as if he's my line manager, asking me to help others on the team - if they need help why not ask? Or he gives me suggestions on how to do my job, which might be him trying to be helpful but it really grates on me. I mentioned this to one of the new people who has just joined our team and it seems like it's just me! Apparently he calls the new guy up a lot as well but he doesn't seem to mind.

This seems oddly specific but I’m looking for help. What is your advice?

Scott's Answer: Every problem is oddly specific - there's a lot of relevant experience out there that can help you navigate this. I actually work with someone who had two colleagues that make up these issues. “I don't have anyone at the moment that's in a position to listen!” - This is exactly why I do what I do. We attack issues like this early, before they start to build up. 

I think you actually have three things that you need to look at here, not just the co-worker. You have your manager, your co-worker and yourself. Let's look at your manager first.

“He sometimes acts as if he's my line manager, asking me to help others on the team - if they need help why not ask? Or gives me suggestions on how to do my job, which might be him trying to be helpful but it really grates on me.” - The way this is worded, it seems to me that you don't really know what your manager is doing - they may be working on it, they may be correcting it offline, or they may not be seeing it. I think we can agree that it's unlikely your manager is seeing opportunities on your reports while also missing glaringly obvious ones on another. Despite that, it sounds like you believe that your co-worker and manager send off erroneous, inferior reports to clients. If it's me, and it sounds like this is also you, I want to know that my team is putting out quality work. I like avoiding major conflict points to start. Bring a proactive solution with a reason that's tough to argue against. In this case, I'd address the errors and the unbalanced critiques by framing it as an obvious learning opportunity for the whole team. Set up a meeting with your manager and start with something like this:

"As you know, I periodically am tasked with editing Gary's work and I've noticed that I consistently find certain errors. They're errors that I correct because our reports are the product that we're delivering to our clients and I know you don't want our team to send out erroneous reports. I see these errors on our group reviews as well and I often observe that they don't get covered. As a leader on our team, I'd like to point them out as opportunities for improvement when I see them in our meetings. That way we can all learn together and keep putting out a consistent, top-line product."

Looking at Gary. When it comes to the chumminess and "taking the hint", don’t give him the option if you want it to stop. I've helped more than one person work through this and I've worked through it myself. With empathy and respect, professionally draw a line. Don't make him guess. You appreciate his willingness to help and communicate but you'd like to try to focus on work. Your time is valuable so if he wants to discuss work related issues, he needs to schedule a meeting or ask if you have the time, then keep it to the allotted time.

“He also sometimes acts as if he's my line manager (for example asks me to help others on the team - if they need help why not ask? Or gives me suggestions on how to do my job, which might be him trying to be helpful but combined with everything else it really grates on me to be honest.)” - Are the suggestions helpful? Do you listen to him when he suggests you help a co-worker? If you do, are your co-workers happy that you're helping or are they confused? Maybe there are areas where he's been helpful in the past that you can point out, give him some examples where he is and isn't helpful? How you approach it us up to you but if you want to alter the behavior, you're going to have to talk to him. You appreciate him trying to help but you'd like to instead schedule a time every couple weeks to meet and discuss ideas. Then it's up to you if you follow through or let it die. Another thing, you're correcting his reports - are you discussing the corrections with him and outlining why these details are important? Feedback is a two way street - if he's giving you his, that's an invitation to reciprocate. Here's an alternative view on the behavior: I wonder if he sees you as a sort of older sibling. He suggests you help others because he knows you can, he tries to give you tips because he wants to prove himself to you, he talks to you all the time because he values your approval and ultimately wants to learn from you but doesn't quite know how. If you apply that lens to it, does your approach or attitude change? Are you more or less likely to pursue a constructive solution?

As far as you go, I can really appreciate your desire to have a strong team and strengthen what you see as your weakest link. I might take a look at how you view that team, though. For example, if you have a teammate suggesting you help your other teammates, I would ask the question "Why?" If my teammates need help that I can provide, are they comfortable asking me? Am I not seeing the opportunity or the need?

I see plenty of solutions when you’re looking at scenarios like this and they all revolve around improving the communication between the people involved. Define the outcomes that each party would consider a positive step forward, then build your plan from that place.  Final note... I'd prioritize strengthening the relationship with your manager and working on managing up. Create an ally, build trust, then use that to improve the work experience for yourself and the people around you.

If you want your question answered by us or you’re interested in personalized guidance through challenges like this, connect with us and let’s start moving forward together.

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Scott works alongside his clients as a micro-mentor, coach and personal career consultant building lasting solutions to all sorts of work problems. He applies his professional expertise to his life experience and the result is that he's always exactly where he wants to be. He'd love to hear your story.